Feeds:
Bydraes
Kommentare

Posts Tagged ‘Zombie’

(Continue reading from previous post)

The next morning the healthy dead man was wheeled off to the operating theatre. While waiting in line for his turn to be poked at form the outside and spied on from the inside, he was informed that a small monitor would be implanted under his skin somewhere over his heart. This gave rise to fierce betting between two theatre nurses over the shivering body of our zombie under the theatre lights, as to where exactly the doctor was going to do the implant. Our brave Mr Reg Shoe suggested they each make a cross with a pen on where they thought the implant should be done.

When the doctor arrived and boldly inserted the device, the male nurse joyfully shouted ‘I won. You owe me a decent meal at a decent restaurant!’ The doctor was not impressed, but high-fived the winner and moved to the nether regions of my recently-back-from-the-dead companion.

The anaesthetist explained to my zombie that he was not going to put him to sleep, but that he was going to give him a little shot of some good stuff to make him happy and relaxed so he could enjoy the show of his insides on the monitor. A camera probe was inserted in an artery in his thigh and moved all the way to his heart where the doctor joyfully pointed out to his happy patient that the repair work to the inlet and outlet manifolds of the pump during the previous bypass operation was still in mint condition and could thus not have been the reason for his cardiac arrest this time. He pointed to a small, crooked artery in between the previously repaired ones and said that that one was blocked, and it could have been the culprit giving the surgeon the fright of his life. And then the cardiologist abruptly left the theatre and stayed away for a very long time, which caused some panic in the mind of the living dead on the operating table.

When the doctor casually returned a while later, he said the artery was too small and crooked to put a stens in and with that he removed his probe, stitched up the thigh and left, never to be seen again by me or my Mr Reg Shoe, not even when we were discharged from the hospital the next day.

After the operation, the anaesthetists told us that, while the doctor was moving his probe upwards through the belly of the beast, so to speak, he looked at the area where my moron said the original pain came from. And said he, the doctor had some good news and some bad news. The bad news was that one of the ribs will have to be removed, the good news was that they could create a new wife for him from the rib. In unison, me and my zombie cried NO THANK YOU! We can barely handle one of them. We do not want an extra one.

When the good wife came by we mentioned to her the proposition that was made to us by the doctor. Contrary to expectations the good wife was elated, provided that the new wife took over cooking, cleaning and sex. With that the Zombie almost shot out of bed to go tell the doctor to proceed with the operation.  I calmed him down and pointed out to him that, being a zombie, and an old one at that, we could expect some vital parts of his body to start falling off in the foreseeable future. Considering such a prospect, we decided not to accept the generous offer because a clean house was very much overrated in any case.

And now we are back home. We hit the ground running and haven’t stopped since. The work will not wait for you to die, said my moron réanimé who is grudgingly sporting his original pain in the side for which he seeked medical help and was, at phenomenal cost, rewarded with a score of new pains added for his trouble. He is not a happy man, but being sad will not make it go away, he says.

If he was a cat, I am sure he’d by now be close to, or living his 9th and final life. And I was just beginning to like the moron.

And so, stuffed with painkillers (including the green FECO variety), he is happily trotting along to the finishing line. I, the famous Red Cap will keep you posted on our beloved Mr R Shoe’s hazy progress down the hill to oblivion.

 

“When we believe what we think, when we take our thinking to be reality, we will suffer.”

Adyashanti: Falling into Grace

Advertisements

Read Full Post »

%d bloggers like this: